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Are decisions made at an intuitive gut feeling level the right ones when living with High Functioning Autism ?

My name is Susan Lewis. If there are any questions I can help you with just ask. Please note that the information following has purely lived to be believed. Probably not in any text book that I have ever come across. However the facts as they were at the time still remains the facts.Passionately Action That Intuitive Gut Feeling

Living with High Functioning Autism has caused many conflicts within. Are decisions made at an intuitive gut feeling the right ones? Are they taken to pieces and put back together convincing myself that this choice only is the correct choice? Are these thoughts well thought out?. The primary question also there is is this going to obtain a real life result or is this reasoning allowing only for an Autism conceptual alternative reality about to occur.? In other words am I living in the real life or able to believe in the fantasy overlaying reality? Then of course between now and the end result that I see and whole hearty believe in am I able to comprehend the working steps in creating this reality into a real reality?



Late May 2014 it was my decision to take on the SFM and DEA education package. Let me show you the process as to why my real life decision has been made.XXXX

In my experience, being on the Autism Spectrum [ASD], over the years in the work force things got steadily harder. Known people moved away, families grew up, technology – well that definitely changes many things …rapidly. Life moved on and I had to struggle to catch up. Answer me this if you can. What do you do when you are a female, past fifty, with what people cannot see as a disability. You see an invisible disability needs recognition. Primarily from yourself and the medical field. Secondly from those around you and thirdly from those you are setting out to integrate and engage with. There in lies a major challenge for all peoples …. that of their own Autism awareness issues.

Here is the rub. The gender is something that is there. Basically one way or the other it is there. The age.. okay we are talking chronological here and not the age of the child within. The easiest way to explain this term is one I heard somewhere. The people on the ASD are people from the Autistic to the ‘can pass for normal’ within which ever community or culture you are within. Change the community or culture and there will show up the inner child.

For myself having had a truck impacting into the drivers front corner of the Nissin Urvan I happened to be driving the immediate result was two fold.

Post Traumatic Shock Syndrome [PTSS]
Total memory loss – where the conscious brain just “closed down and left”. That resulted in the subconscious brain to take over. Leaving the subconscious brain that is ‘wired’ for survival figuratively EXPOSED. This meant that I literally was walking through clouds constantly on the Alert for danger time after time. Add this to being a mother of three from 7 years to 18 months…. and then a mother to a new born moths later. To you that have breast fed I basically had a double whammy happening here. At this point there is no need to suggest that survival was due to special autism skills or knowledge. What was happening was shear gut survival instinct that went on for over fifteen years. Time held no reality for me. As an aside to this day I still do not like clocks and watches.
Stress causes me to just close down and I sleep. Now at least the close down process is slow and I can remove myself from danger.

The second thing was my own High Functioning Autism came out to ‘play havoc’ big time. This effectively was cloud covered with the PTSS.
Let me put this statement into historical perspective.
Fifty years plus ago Autism research was really just beginning.
Thirty years ago Dr Colin Greens book on Attention Deficit Disorder [ADD]was in print. The medical field medicated every child and if they could have would have done so for the pets as well.
Twenty three years ago the truck impact occurred. Where we ended up was in isolated mountainous Victoria, Australia. What do you think the medical and social environment was like?

When the two joined forces and literally rained havoc within my life I walked away from those pressures. At least I had sort counselling with a Behavioural Psychologist [ Danny Blackford] a few years before hand. Had I actually realised what was happening I would have taken the Disability Pension and redirected myself into a less stressful situation work wise. No. I was not a high flier. I was a relief taxi driver. Mostly working nights. Over time the hours became 120 hours per week on call. You see that is what relief does. They relieve. At least this is what I did in a previous health working field – pre-impact that is.

Needless to say the messages Danny had forward my brain about came to the forefront just in time. Danny had given me “permission “ to look after myself and when needed to just walk away. The loyalty to the ’employer’ had to become the loyalty to myself change. Hay we all know that change is not something that humans like… let alone those people somewhere experiencing life within the spectrum.

The other thing I had become aware of is the pain tolerance threshold was so large that until another near death incident – which took two weeks to mull through and see just how dangerously close things were becoming driving a taxi – was I ready for the change.

At this point please realise within Victoria [ Australia] truck drivers and couriers have to via the Victoria Taxi Body to obtain their licenses. The truck drivers have vehicle log books and specifically hours and time frames with which they can even be around their truck. The drivers brake these rules and regulations and the firms the drivers work for have no insurance..Strangely enough these drivers are in the same boat as the Taxi drivers. Not enough willing workers and always the underlying threat that the job will go when the answer you give is a safety ‘NO’. Effectively You the driver wear the blame in a pass the buck… you carry the license and you hold the keys. Needless to say that I went to every doctor around and asked never to be placed in this situation again. Now NO commercial license will be granted. There went that stress factor

The result is what am I able to gainfully do while on the Disability Pension? Especially as I have great difficult reading people body language, distrust authorities and employers who are looking after themselves [ convince me otherwise if you can]

This question goes back to the start of this post.

The only answer left is online income streams.

Online is something that I am fascinated in. Something that started off with” how do the letters and pictures get on the screen in the first place”. Well I figured that out. Years ago. My Social Profile is high and could be higher [ of course] I have no concept of what I am worth though. Just yesterday I placed this in someone’s hands and will be sorted out.

Now back to the course and the associated resources.

What the course has shown me is that there is a heck of a lot of potential in what I have. There also is a wide gap / deep chasm with what I have and what I am wanting to do with what I have. Two choices. Slim and trim of which my intuitive self is arguing and yelling at my brain not too. This gut reaction is what I am listening too.

In so doing this leads me to the second option. Slowly back track and realign/ rebuild with what I have already done. Monitor the results. Accept that quick money is not going to be an option. PITY.

The resources have among them really great videos, copies of online Webinars, blog and training options, groups and hands on connections with people who have and are walking the walk. I was under the impression that I may have to get out there and sell something. Bad experiences with personal relationships hips and the clash of Muli-Level Marketing have had a negative impact here.

Writing this post thorough as well as listening to this mornings webinar I have just realised the only thing I have to do is promote what I write… which is what I do anyway on and through Social Media. Excuse me whole I take a minute to actually feel stupid here. {okay I am back}

Why did I pay for this courses educations and resource’s package if the Australian Government want as many people as possible to get out there and be in the work force?

Other than stating the obvious… would taking out the loan to pay for the education and resources available be possibly a sensory overload accident waiting to happen? Probably.

On the flip side I could always do mind numbing activities such as sit around and take up smoking, watch TV. [have to purchase the Television and a couch first though] Maybe drink Alcohol or even take drugs – prescribed or not… so that the depression does not become a too frequent visitor.

I think I like the study better. There is a screen between myself and the outside world.

In the flip side I could always

You see I love working with communities. All it takes is one person within a community to start to change the way things are done and slowly people within that community accept change factors occurring. As things start happening more people start coming on board.

The sticky point is that I have a Post Graduate Certificate in Rural and Community Development. The capital “P as in Post” and the word ‘Certificate’ got me. I thought what I was applying for / and than obtained was just a small certificate. Not the level of a Post Degree year. This is a problem for an employer as I am now effectively over qualified.

In conclusion

When I stumbled on an email data collection popup 2 years ago what was activated was a quite send out of a small note. Within this note was offered a free course. That was free. And by itself was well worth it. However I saw a structured course outlining just what I was looking for. Online and at a stretch affordable. Something that I can do at home and not have to worry about other people interpreting my concentration and personal space. A course where if sensory overload occurs I can just go to bed and sleep it through rather than have to place a smile on and incur a headache.

As I stated in the beginning paying for this SFM and DEA course was my decision. The repayments of the loan are my responsibility. I acknowledge that things may be slow to start with with regards to becoming financially independent. I know however that I am suborn enough to just keep going. With the Taxis I rest my case here. And I have not even told you about the help and support that has been happening when I either reach out for it or someone sees there is something that I should be aware of and shoots me information opening doors and connecting the experiences into knowledge.

Thank you for taking the timer to read this [Rather this Susan you not get here as well.

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