People Everywhere Get Bullied – People Everywhere Get Bullied So Find The Complete Emotional System. Feel Good Now.
In this day and age people everywhere get bullied. The amazing thing is the confidence , escorted in by the belief within themselves, when supported by a group of like minded individuals.
In this post Susan Lewis introduces the fact that ‘Being Bullied’ is an emotional area. A highly explosive emotional area. There are two examples included. One with a young lady named Chloe. The other with someone Susan personally knows. Just the topic of being bullied is an emotionally private situation. This in mind there are three parts and two links on this page.
One is a closed snippet.
The other is a about Chloe’s story. Oh is this one an amazing outreach of support.
Finally where Susan herself found a community that is bigger than the solution to Chloe’s special day.
Trust is a two way street.
Trust involves a communication process. To have listened to the same request [ over and over over time] and not acted upon it creates frustration. Finally the other person may break and do something that actually may, or may not, depending on their character, the mindset they have. Plus the value that person puts on what they ultimately are teaching you.
Take a look at the empathy development. Up until about two children absorb the learning by copy cat mode. At about four the empathic tendencies begin to come through the child’s behaviour.
Many Autistic people either have empathy development or they simply don’t have empathy. At the extreme psychopaths have an empathy void.
A practical demonstration of empathy learning
Parents and carers know the feeling of a child that keeps playing the continuous game of lego. After a while enough is enough. Outcomes the rake, a big box and a indoor shovel. Simply rake the toys up, scoop them up and place them in the bin as the driver of the rubbish truck is approaching.
Now deal with the temper tantrum, tears, or the abuse that erupts simply by not responding.
You the adult in the situation have the power, the toys are gone and the room is now safe to walk on the floor within. Especially at night when the lights are off the heater is on and the window for some strange reason is wide open as the night before that lego block dug deeply breaking the sole of the foots skin when the block was stood on.
This is a situation that as a parent of a child that was diagnosed as Autistic during a time of no-one really knew what that meant in the practical sense. What the parent knew was Occupational health and safety…. and when enough was enough having warned the young people about what would happen if the room was not cleaned up
However, in order for safety to be there, any blocks left on the floor were removed. Which simply meant the family heirlooms were disposed of. Now both boys were unable to play. One had played on the rooms table and the other played with the majority of the blocks on the floor. Who then continued to play lego and leave them on the floor?
There is a saying one bad apple in the bunch may ruin things for everyone else. But is the apple bad or just not connecting to the concept of fair and equitable responsibilities and play?
Now lets look at Chloe’s unexpected support structure
Schools are pressure pots for acceptable behaviour development. Whats not dealt with properly in one area festers and magnifies out into other areas. Sometimes following from the cradle, through school and into the workforce. Two things basically happen. The person experiencing the bullying accepts it and internalizes their struggles. Each person has some ‘bad’ habit that they wrestle with. Overeating / undereating. Too much alcohol, too many sugar foods. Over-exercise or under-exercise. Too much study…not enough study.
Second thing: the behaviour trigger occurs that releases the pent up anger. These are two of the opposite end of the behaviour scale. Both need not have happened. Once happening then its time to recognise a few basic facts.
The spiral may be stopped. The steps to these are fourfold
1) Understanding what and why these things may be happening.
On the part of the Autistic person do they understand what is being said to them that triggered the initial reaction of the unacceptable behaviour. Of not make the connection very open and plan. Put in place proactive steps. Celebrate the successes. Remove reactive actions.
2) Belief in yourself. With a community behind Chole this young lady is on the threshold of adulthood. Chloe stated ” The bullying had a bad effect – it made me feel left out and alone….” I had no one to talk to about it and worried if I said anything it would get around …. It would have a long term effect on me”
As it turned out the one-hundred-and-twenty-six bikers escorting Chole to the prom made a big impact on Chloe. Chole grew with the backing and support of the actions that support non-bullying. However there was more to the escort story than just that point.
3)Have the knowledge connected, checked off and acted upon.
In some people there is a “Oh Heck I’m going down throw me a life buoy reaction”. This annoys other people drastically. After trying unsuccessfully by simply asking, the last action may be just to make a point. Remember the cleanup of the lego blocks on the floor annoying the parent above. Same things here just a different variety mix. The extent of which is dependant on the hidden behaviour traits of the other ‘offended’ person. The saying “I love you but your actions open me up and the worst comes out in me” and into safety that person now retreats to. Now they may breath without the fear of feeling claustrophobic. Everyone has a breaking point.
4) Holt other people’s behaviour in the tracks. Online when something like this happens people find out. Naturally people take sides. Cyberbullying has been known to get out of hand. The best way to deal with this is two ways. Grow from the experience and share the growth. The second is be kandid. Realise what part actions happened that you chose to do to drive this send person to their action. Admit to the destructive behaviour on your part. Now having learned the build up triggers, change the mindset. If possible obtusely apologize. Just move forward. Leave things alone… you are after all adults.
The basis of this post is how does one tell the difference between the tigger points of a series of events that trigger actions and reactions. The honest answer is… you. Your choice of reaction is up to you.
Should you be the one effectively teaching someone something, and that person has constantly annoyed you, then the ideal situation is to recognise the fact that the other person has not comprehended or learnt the lessons yet. Ask them / remind them about the stimming behavior management process. That their repetitive actions [this choice is up to you] have to stop forthwith. This is the telling point. Be aware that they may have missed the connection until you have pointed it out to them. Divert their attention long enough. Ultimately be happy to have closed down and walked away.
The funny thing is that the other person will respect what it is they have put you through as they were going through an extreme within their life…. once they connect the pieces together.
Always be aware that actions are a choice made. They will deal with the fallout as best as they can and also move through another phase of trigger pointed very focused learning.
When you meet, great, hug and enjoy the changes. Just forgive. Time, circumstances and actions tend to change people.
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