Self-sufficiency is a funny term when exploring your “my sense of self.”
For many people, they think of survival on a farm let, in business, lost on an island, or being self-funded. These are physical places or assets. When it comes to the uncharted territory of exploring the ‘sense of self’ only the brave, the foolish or the inquisitive are crazy enough to tackle this aspect of a person life. Their own.
Successful people know who they are, where they are going and what they will do when they arrive at the first landing place. People look at these people and wonder why its as though the key to the their-treasure chest has worked… so why not their own one working for them. And slowly probably 99% or people just give up.
Go back to the things they were doing before, how they were piecemeal and half-heartedly doing things before. Like an unhappy puppet on the sting. Days those it
In today’s world of IoT [ Internet of things] it is the puppet master who is pulling the puppets strings. The thing is, once the blindfold goes back on the puppet it maybe harder to remove a second and third time. When you are blindfolded, choosing not to see what is occurring, is it too late to leave the puppet master with the blindfold and a few strings?
To go boldly where no other person has been before. Into your future. Discover who you actually are, where you need to be and what you, as a person of worth can give back to the community.
One community may have opened your mind up to gardening and growing of vegetables and herbs. Another, to the care and leadership skills beeing passed on. While somewhere else another to the re-education for Gaining of skill sets. Or a better JOB. [aka Just Over Broke]
By the time all this is achieved the paying back of Government sponsored Student loan through going to work, tends to swallow up more of the wages than was anticipated and for longer than you thought possible.
There are four ways that are convenient and efficient for all involved when you need an out of the student loan situation. The first discover another way forward. The second is to die [ not a great option ]. And the third escape from the country never to return. The fourth to reinvent the wheel. Run a side business that slowly becomes a JOB in disguise. But hey pass enough turn over and the loans that are now business related may become a tax deduction [possibly].
The first and fourth ones have been experiences of mine. The second has occurred – without the loans to pay back, though. The second one brought with it a major set of disconnect into exploring a sense of self, all by itself. Over and over until something would give and the mind allowed the blockage it of things through. Usually resulting in high alerts for meltdowns or major overloads that resulted in sleep attacks.
Nothing was normal. As it was nor would it ever be again. What was was not longer? And in reality, all it took was a mear fraction of a second to occur.In reality, the truck impacted the van.The light ball was intense. And that was where I stayed for nearly twenty years.
This, of course, brought about all sorts of ‘complications and challenges. The Autism came out in full force. What before were oddities of behaviour … controlled were wave after wave crashing on some shore in the distance. A tsunami kaleidoscope of happenings..-
Read on to find out why or simply scroll down to… to find out why and what happened with the sense of self-exploration while accepting the new journies path. When you do continue to read the truth as it happened. It’s right there in front of you. These things happen to people. Normal people. Or even people that anger that someone with some unknown ‘force’ behind them. Believe or not that is your choice.
The other choice is to think of this as a fairytale or horror movie that pa=layed out with a cast of innocents within some far off land. Nothing there seems real except that there was a loss. OA loss primarily of reality. No one should have to survive through a loss of memory and have no a soul know. Not even yourself.
But just in case I will leave you these notes. Should it happen or be happening to you know that you too can survive., Can and can be proactive in your survival procedures. What you want to be happening is this to be someone else’s life. You do but wish it ion anyone else. When that want becomes a need, then things become slowly different The need to go exploring your own ‘sense of self’ takes over. Your mind may still be in lockdown mode. The inner child was escaping every so often. Coming back to feed titbits of jumbled information back in through the crakes where the mid brain, left and right side of the brain are still unable to find escape. The survival part of the brain is in control and as its the primary brain the force that medulla oblongata =holds over the human today’s brain is terrific.
When your inner child has the support structure of a community somewhere something begins to happen that changes the changes already creeping into life.
The process of change began before I joined this company and was introduced to the private community behind the name. What triggered a major bolt lighting change in my life was basically out of my control. No! I was not driving the truck that impacted on the vehicle I was in. What I do know is that I did control the positioning and the speed [ all 2 to 3 km of it] that the vehicle I was driving was travelling at.
That being stated I was in charge of the children who were in my care after that. Stated like this as where there was work the husband had to follow. Looking back I now understand what acceptance of passive skills and knowledge is all about. I recognise the courage and acceptance it took for our oldest daughter who, at seven, became the one left behind as a major career. I simply dod not know until she was talking to her brother that I was constantly falling asleep. And she did not know that this was important information to share. You see before we left Burwood in Melbourne my nursing times were usually night duties. We lived in a large two family house with my mother and siblings. Previously there was always someone there. That thing had changed now no one knew, and therefore this could not be corrected. Actually, Twenty-five hears later [ like right now] I have just connected these two concepts together.
There was a thing called ‘time’? There were two times. You got up, and you went to bed. In between, there was food on demand time.
And to this day this acknowledgement still rips my heart to shreds. There is no way a person can repay a child the loss of child’s innocence of play within life. Playing house should be with dolls, or just friends, not a real live adult person and two or three siblings.
The loss of security of knowing there is someone else there to lean on. In my own case, my body was there. Up, extremely bruised for eight weeks plus as the bone bruising came out, but walking. Verbalising, showing her home schooling. Where in fact it was myself that needed the assistance and relearning skills. However this was not recognised and somehow we, as a family of then five [ six by the end if that year] carried on in the isolated Victorian Alps as best we could.
Years later when I realised this was what had happened, I had already tried to give back what was missing from her life. The lesson learned was you cannot give back that that has been given away, or taken. And that in itself is probably why for just under twenty years I over gave of myself at the detriment of my own family unit. Had there been someone with knowledge to assist and guide then maybe things could have been different.
And so what was started in teaching our children to be independent carried on. The lessons that as parents we learned is what you teach you will sow.
There was not distorted the sense of self as there simply was no self. There was no connection with anything to identify. That connection occurred in October 2014 when having taken a photo of self by mistake I recognised the face as being the person I kept seeing with me in the photos during Girl Guide Activities, The windows and sometimes a mirror. I avoided mirrors as the last thing I did just before the impact was to chack in the rear vision mirror on the two boys sitting in the back seat. Another connection there just happened.
This person always was getting older and followed me like a shadow. Remember there was no self. My self that I recognised was the same person who was sitting behind the steering wheel at the moment the truck impacted. Now to people who have experienced Autistic overload this was then an ongoing alert trip switch. As a coping mechanism back to sleep my body would go.
Why did I take the photo? While doing the Gold DEA training the need for a photo was explained. Right now be recognised by myself.
It was also at this time that as a side relief from these intense self-discoveries the Graphix Creator came out. And that tool is cool. Hours later surfacing totally distracted would happen. A new thing discovered and did able. Meanwhile in the back ground acceptance of that ‘person’ was taking place.
Assisted very thoroughly by the DEA Platinum Incubator workshop. While that discovery of who you are to enable your own personal Brand to be sorted out took time, my mind was grappling with the stranger trying to get to know my ME. When in fact, we were one and the same, just to disjoined parts of the same life. One pre-1991 and the other from Feb 2nd, 1991 to which ever time the emergence could occur.
It did not occur. Instead one of the co-founders of this company made a comment about something else on the Founders Call Webinar. That something else was about how his and the other co-funders companies effectively merged while still retaining their identity. This was becoming something totally exciting and new. That’s when the realisation occurred.
Rather than struggle and tame why not just let things be and accept that nothing would ever be the same.
Time had effectively, and efficient snuck in and moved everything on. A light bulb moment. And more overlaid. Meltdowns were different once again. There were no comfort zone boundaries. There were no boundaries… other than the junk that had gathered around me.
People need a physical clean out sometimes. That was one big wake up call. Mind you moving the junk out too strategic planning and the house was am the organised mess while sorting began. Umm, the garden had lots of recycling paper etc. within it. The front porch had rubbish bins waiting to be fulled. And filled they were. Plus with permission the neighbour’s ones as well.
As more and more physical things went the mental rubbish was able to be tackled. I’m not saying this was easy. It hurt. Headaches, loss of things from the past. Acceptance that thing were changing. Yip.
Change. A big OH BOY moment for many on the Autism Spectrum. Rooms and then furniture in the rooms were rearranged [ in amongst the mess of sorting and resorting]. And furniture was given away.
Now change both physical and mental were becoming familiar. Unknowingly assisted through the community challengers. The blogging challenge, video challenge, 90-day challenges… and more personal family, health and welfare challengers. And the funny thing is I copped. Supported more so by this online community than ever I thought possible. One thing that is noted was the circle of influence had changed. People known before were moving on as my ME was finding itself no longer lost.
Maybe the caterpillar’s chrysalis was finally being created. And to this day the waiting for what was going to emerge and gently stretch her wings has come forth. What has been experienced and learned from over life is that with every sunset there is a new day following.
Exploring my sense of self-leads to three choices. Combining my sense of self with what social worth is possible. The first outcome could be just seeing exiting places that are on my bucket list. The second may be visiting a narrowed down bucket list to just exploring this great big continent called Australia. The third viewing the world from the hand to mouth existence within the vegetable patch no longer gives great satisfaction. While the back yard fences represent the world out there that is still there calling.
Nothing in those three things seems to fit now. However, with this community behind, around and in front of its member’s many exciting things are there. Will the flight include the world trips to experience community development programmes? Visiting such places where orphanages and other such places where lost peoples go for direction within their life. Will the directions involve creating and sharing programmes for re-education, upskilling, training? Both online procedures and offline into their real lives.
So much so that without the assistance of this wonderful community I can honestly state this